book review: parenting with positive guidance

As Carson leaves babyhood behind and enters the exciting new world of toddlerhood, I've been thinking a lot about discipline. I want to discipline him in a way that encourages self-control and motivates him from within, rather than simple compliance in the moment as a result of some external motivation and/or punishment, and I've struggled with how to go about it. I want my interaction with him to align with our family values, rather than contradicting them. For example, I don't want to spank him while teaching him that hitting is not how we solve problems. I want to use logical consequences and take advantage of teachable moments. It's easy to begin feeling overwhelmed with the great responsibility of raising a human being, so I'm thankful for all the help I can get!

I was excited when I saw that the author of one of my favorite blogs, Amanda Morgan, wrote an ebook on discipline, Parenting with Positive Guidance. Because I always enjoy and learn from her blog, I had high expectations for her book, and it did not disappoint. It's a quick and easy read, with only ten chapters and 100 pages. The chapters are organized in three sections: Building Discipline from the Inside Out, Inside the Toolbox, and Bringing it All Together. She includes both theory and practice and offers practical ideas without pretending there's a one-size-fits-all solution for every child or every family.

One of the things that stood out most to me was when she explained that we have to teach children appropriate social skills just like we teach them to read or tie their shoes. Learning takes repetition, and just like reading and shoe tying are not learned overnight, neither are social skills. Children aren't just testing our patience and being ornery when they repeat inappropriate behaviors over and over and over again, instead they're learning what behavior is acceptable, just like they repeat various sounds over and over before combining them to read words and practice looping their shoelaces over and over before mastering shoe tying. I hope that recognizing this basic principle will help me be more patient as I teach Carson appropriate social skills. I realize that disciplining is hard work, but I hope that by being proactive and "teaching for long term growth rather than controlling for short term results [I] will be able to step back more and more as [he] becomes increasingly capable of monitoring [his] own behavior."

I recommend this book to parents interested in an intentional and logical approach to discipline. In addition, I also recommend her blog, Not Just Cute: Intentional Whole Child Development. As parents and teachers, it's easy to spend time on activities just because they're cute, rather than choosing developmentally appropriate activities that foster growth and learning. In the same way, it's easy to see young children simply as cute, rather than recognizing them as complete people. Amanda titled her blog "Not Just Cute" because she writes articles and highlights activities that are more than just cute, because young children are so much more than just cute.